When I Fall:

Last night was rough...
By rough I mean really rough...  When I get tired, especially emotionally exhausted, may the Lord help everyone around me.  I become cranky, dramatic, and probably heavily depressed.  Last night I was that.  I was emotionally strung out.  I was ready to quit.  Nothing about me seemed right.  I felt like I was PMSing.  Quite seriously, I wanted to cry, and for what reason?  I don't know.  My wife was being as loving and caring and kind as you could be, and she would ask me what's wrong, and I didn't know.  I just wanted to cry.
Which then lead to me thinking, about what?  What's wrong with me?  Not what's the matter with me, but what's WRONG with me, then I thought.  EVERYTHING.
I am too prideful.... I hate that, I am prideful because I want to over compensate for my insecurities.  That's dumb!  So then, I thought about my insecurities, which lead me to thinking about how I am insecure in my job, and how I think I'm going to get fired because I'm not good enough at it.  Then I thought about my friends, and how if I was a good enough friend none of them would be struggling the way they are, and how I just thought I was terrible at it.  Then I thought how I am an awful husband, I can't even be strong for my wife, instead I am laying in bed having a pitty party, and I just kept going over and over that.  While my wife laid faithfully by my side praying for me most likely, until we both fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning... FINE!  Just feeling ridiculous for the whole thing that happened the night prior.  My wife was supportive and forgiving which is great!

I hate being negative, I have never been the person who is pessimistic, nor have I ever been the person to think negatively about someone, I feel like I think positive about most everyone and think the best of most every situation.  Yet, lately, I have had this horribly habit of just thinking negative thoughts.  Maybe I am just tired, I would like to think I am not constantly tired.  I am not in the mornings.  Maybe it's my diet.  I don't know.
It is starting thought to consume my thoughts, not only have I been negative, but my mouth tells the truth... Not the truth that is good either, the good that is blunt honest, and I hate that!  I hate telling people something I don't mean to.  I like to tell people what they need to know, and using my discretion about the rest.  My discretion is LOST!  Just GONE!  NO where to be found!
If you find my discretion, please let me know!
I read something today that was great! Here it is, it was just really inspiring...

Hebrews 10

 ¹ The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship. ²Otherwise, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins. ³ But those sacrifices are an annual reminder of sins. ⁴ It is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.
 ⁵ Therefore, when Christ came into the world, he said:
   “Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, 
   but a body you prepared for me; 
⁶ with burnt offerings and sin offerings 
   you were not pleased. 
⁷ Then I said, ‘Here I am—it is written about me in the scroll— 
   I have come to do your will, my God.’”^[a]
 8 First he said, “Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them”—though they were offered in accordance with the law. ⁹ Then he said, “Here I am, I have come to do your will.” He sets aside the first to establish the second. ¹⁰ And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
 ¹¹ Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. ¹² But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, ¹³ and since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool. ¹⁴ For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
 ¹⁵ The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says:
 ¹⁶ “This is the covenant I will make with them 
   after that time, says the Lord. 
I will put my laws in their hearts, 
   and I will write them on their minds.”^[b]
 17 Then he adds:
   “Their sins and lawless acts 
   I will remember no more.”^[c]
 18 And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary.
I just loved it.  This is where I am at today crew!
Prayer requests?  -  Discernment and Energy!  Wisdom from the Lord...
Thanks for it!
-josh