What better way to FAITH, than to FREE FALL!?

I feel like for the past few days, I have been really burdened by my friends, which have been good, it has been something that I haven't felt in quite a while.  Which not that the burden is good, but the fact that I feel anything is awesome!
I think since I've been married, I have been consumed with my wife, and our relationship, and just trying to figure out our living together, and how to love her the way she needs to be loved.  Not that any part of that is bad, just it has been a consuming part of my life.  It's something that I am sure will NEVER be perfect, but it is something that must be maintained and tweaked.  I feel like I can suck at it at times, but over all I think that I will get the hang of it eventually.  I think every bit of me loving her, is my relationship with God.  At this point, my relationship with the Lord has been about me and how I am doing, and God is changing that to not is it about me but about the people around me.  I love this idea, because my self-centered relationship with God has been very tunnel-visioned.
At this time though, I see myself now having to see the big picture, that the people closest to me are in great need of the effort I am putting into myself.  God will maintain me, I need not worry about it.  If I can focus on my wife and my friends and love them and pray for them, then that leaves me to faith, that God is taking good care of me.  What better way to fill faith than to free fall!?
When I look out into the world... I see eyes filled with tears, eyes that yearn for the love of the Lord, for the compassion of Chist, and the mercy and grace of his blood.  I see arms wide open for anything that will give it to them.  Unfortunately I see the devil being quicker to their needs than Christians being there as the body of Christ.  Spreading the love and sympathy.  With the ears to listen to their problems, with the arms to wrap around and love them, with legs to carry them when they are unable to carry themselves.  Instead the devil is offering the world to them, and their becomes a point when that looks soo much better than any pain ever will.  Even as our fellow Christians fall into this, we as their brothers and sisters in Christ aren't anywhere near determined enough to quit looking inward at ourself, and outward at them drowning in sin.  Where is our Sword!?  ...  Just as I suspected by our bed, on our night stand.  Why aren't we bringing it out into the world, to fight sin!?  Why aren't we using it to slay corruptness!?
I know for me it is because I have been looking at myself for far too long, I have been worried about where I step and what I say, and how I am doing personally, thinking that I need to make myself presentable before I could ever step out into faith.  But I have come to think, that I step out in faith by doing what God has asked me to do, not worrying about what I am presenting!
This is where I'm at today.
-josh

SIN how I loathe thee...

I lay here in bed tonight and I am not sure where to begin.
I know that I have wished for the past several months that my prayer life was better... Or even existant.  Not that I didn't pray, but I didn't have passion in my prayer, and I didn't know exactly what I was praying for, I was just saying stuff, my heart was just seemingly still, and my words were just flowing out of my mouth like clock work.  When I read the Bible I didn't know what I was reading for.  I didn't have drive I was just doing it just to do it.  I would pray for God to light a fire, and I thought He would break me and bring me to my knees through an action that I would do, but no that didn't, He blew my mind in other ways, in ways I wish that it would have just happened... differently.
What does that mean?
I suppose I just wish things were different.  I think back...  I suppose I was never 'pure' I remember every since I can remember that I had something to hide, that I was corrupt, that I was a 'bad' kid.  Now we won't go through the whole gory details of what that means or why I thought that, but I definitely knew that what I thought or what I was going through at the time was wrong.  I remember going to sunday school as a kid and them teaching us about sin, I remember learning about adam and eve and how they basically corrupted the world, 'not that I blame them' because I'm quite certain I wouldn't have done any better.  But I wish that things were different.  I wish that SIN would have never been introduced into the world.
I say that now because my heart HURTS!
My heart cries out to God tonight because of what sin is doing in seemingly every one of my friends lives.  I have some really great friends, all of which love the Lord SO SO SO SO TRULY!  I know there hearts, if you know me, you know that I am not a surface level person, I love peoples lives, I love to get into them and dig deep and love them for everything they have to offer.  I don't want to love someone for who they want me to love them for, I want to love them for who God loves them for, which is EVERYTHING!  It's a scary concept at times especially when you start to see and feel how Christ sees and feels towards us.  I am not sinless by any means, I suck daily, and I figured that's how God would get my attention, through my own sin...  But apparently I have become numb towards that, but He has now used the sins of my friends to grab my attention and bring me to tears tonight.
As I am writing I hear this song in my head, and it brings tears to my eyes.  
Sidewalk Prophets - These are the Words I would say.
Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say.
I suppose they come to my head because I want hope.  I know that my hope should be in the Lord, and not even that my life isn't going wonderfully right now, but the pain of the world is killing my heart.
I can honestly say that everyone of my best friends is going through stuff that I wouldn't wish on my worse enemies.  Stupid sin, that is breaking God's heart, and just dumb circumstances that are life changing.
The devil is a brilliant Con-Artist that is ruining peoples lives:
Pornography - I hate it, it's ruining peoples lives daily, it's a dumb addiction that just leads you sinning more and more.  It has grasped so many peoples lives and it will NOT LET IT GO!
Homosexuality - URGH!  As most of you know I have struggled with this one, and it sucks, I have freedom in Christ, and through Him.  But at this point some of my very best friends are over their heads in it and are fighting for air!  Lord SAVE THEM!  This is one of the biggest things on my hearts.
Drugs - People just yearn for something to relieve the pain and get their minds off the reality of their lives, and they find something that will do just that.  It sucks, it's rotten.  It is debilitating.
Adultery - Having sex with someone you love, before your married...  It sucks seeing this.  I hate it, so many young men and women just do it, they know it's wrong, but it just sucks seeing it.  I hate it.  I wish that they could see that it's NOT filling the desires of their heart it's only temporarily covering them up.  This is another thing that just hurts...  HURTS for me to see.
Alcohol -  Another one of those things that just fill the void or cover the pain.  Just a quick fix to real problems.
Then I have the friends who just are hurting because of just hard times, I hate seeing it, I hate hearing about people struggling because of money issues or they lost their job,s or they lost their homes, or they lost both of them!  It sucks!  I want them all to have peace and joy.
SIN! How I loathe thee...
I suppose everyone is struggling with something, that's why we have the hope of Jesus Christ who did come and die on the cross to forgive us of those and we can live in freedom from it.  But what seems to me that all of my friends are suffering immensely from it.   And it doesn't even seem like they want out.  They like it.
I know for most of them, they have been looking for something that is missing in their life.  Something that they miss or have desired for all their lives, and now that some guy/girl has come along they seem to find it filling this yearning desire and they fill it with that.  IT SUCKS!  THen because of that sin they are overwhelmed with that so the pain and guilt of it is being filled with drugs/alcohol/sex and it SUCKS EVEN MORE!  I just want this to be different!
God Save Us, Please.
I don't really know what else to say.  This is my heart this evening.  I just wish that everyone would see that God can handle anything you bring to Him, trust Him.
Well goodnight all...
-josh :

The Joy Factor

Saved - Forgiven - Given Grace - Mercy Poured - Love Perfected - Sacrifice Made - Death Conquered - Savior Slain

Our Hearts are so deeply impressionable.  The world is constantly telling us, "you're not good enough", "be faster", "be smarter", "be normal"  all being followed by the "You can do it" mentality.  We are being forced into a generation that follows generations after generations of sinful addictions.  Sex, Lust, Porn, Jealousy, Envy, Insecurities, Homosexuality, Drunkenness, Drugs, Lying, Murder, Adultery,  the list could actually go on forever.  All of these things that have been impressed upon of from Fathers, Mothers, Grandparents, Teachers, Pastors, Mentors, Brothers, Friends, Classmates, Teammates, and even complete strangers.  We continue to find ourselves indulging in a world that makes all of this acceptable.  Consumed by wanting and desiring more and more of what ever it is we can get our hands on.  Focusing ourselves on something that can't be obtained with out sacrificing...  something.  So we move on to the next thing, until we find ourselves caught up in this place that will chew you up and spit you out in the blink-of-an-eye and leave you in a world of hurt.  With pain leaking out of every orphis you have, you can't help but wonder 'how do I fix it'?  So you go from one pain to another, until you have given up and settle for something so much less than what is offered.


Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest...
                                  -Matthew 11:28

those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.
                                  -Isaiah 40:31

the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
                                 -Galatians 5:22-23
Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.
                                 -John 16:24


Today I spent my day just beating myself up once again, because I was consuming myself with the sins that I was committing.  The sins that I felt as if I was trapped under.  When the reality of the situation was, I trap myself by my pride.  My "you can do it" mentality.  The idea behind having to come before the Lord to say, "God I can't do this, I do suck, I am sinful piece of material, that you have found in your eyes LOVABLE enough to shine down on in MY deepest darkest times.  You Lord find it by YOUR mercy, that I can shine your love to others.  That I Lord, may be used by YOU to lift up YOUR name!  Father forgive me, my heart desires to disobey you even when you give me EVERY opportunity to step out of sin, and into YOUR light!  God here is my life."  Loosing all pride, and being humbled by the grace and mercy of the Lord.

But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
                            -Titus 3:4-7 


NOTHING we do will ever be good enough to save our own souls and bring us from the wandering desires that need to be filled by the Lord.  We must recognize it is by Him alone that we will be satisfied, it is by Him alone that we will be saved.  It is by Him alone that we will have eternal life.


That is "The Joy Factor"


Love You Guys,
Josh

Crimes of the New Age

Today was a sweet day, very relaxing and chill, it was nice to be away from camp and just be able to lounge around and do nothing!  I read a bit, and just hung out with Kent!

I gave blood which was cool also.

But it is weird, the idea of sitting around all day, reading the bible and listening to a podcast, just enjoying being still and holding out from the rush of life, seems to be a sin in itself.  Why is that?  Why is it that when I want to just sit around and enjoying being silent, no tv, no music, no distractions, do I seem viewed as wasting time?

SABBATH

-josh

Concrete Evidence

So, after today, I have evidence for myself, that I am a selfish individual....
First of all, I have a picture... of myself on my own blog!?  Well I could be a bit conceited, but is that really that bad!?  I mean I could put a picture of a cross up there or some really cool verse, and that would be interesting... RIGHT?  but then I would be held to the standards of that verse, and if I ever said anything slightly inappropriate I would then be judged for well, say something inappropriate.

I will for sure get someone who is like, "Why do you care what people think?" 

Well as for me I am a person who is not naive about the fact that I do care what people think about me because, well I do, it's life, it's how I am it's ME!

So that brings me back to my point, ME! 

So maybe I am selfish, or conceited, I do though love the Lord God with my entire mind body and soul!  I am supposed to be humbling myself, and I feel as if I do, but it gets hard you know?  When you are humbled or attempt to humble yourself, and you get down to that level of humbleness, then you are there, and I feel like it's a constant attempt to be humble, or more humble than before, because in order to be humbled your, humbleness has to go up making your selfishness go down, and it's a constant battle! URGH!!!!

Yeah, so also, I am a very jealous person, I hate it, I get jealous over the most ridiculous crap!  Which, thank you Lord, I am so much better than I was before in the sense that it doesn't take me out for an entire day or longer, it's usually just a few minutes, then I gain my composure.  With that, it is just dumb, and it has quite a bit to do with just personal feelings, which I should not be holding on to!

Then, on top of all of that, I have this 'person' in which I love completely and she loves me completely,but I can't commit to! What the Crap!?  It is all because I can't convince myself that I won't hurt her, or she won't hurt me.  Stupid insecurities, and crap.

So I feel like this is a big dramatic post, because in all actuality my life is amazing, the Lord is good, and He is faithfully taking care of me!  Which is soooo GOOD!

Now even more so, my AHDH in full force, or I just have turrets.  sweet. 

Today has been a long day, Legacy Christian is cool, they are a fun group, my boss was kind of all in my case today, but it's alright, I smile and nod because why Lauren?

We are interns!

Oh yeah so you know I am an intern! :)

HOW SPLENDID!

(and I told my boss I would do it another year.)

Have a Great Night ALL!!!

I am currently listening to Jimmy Needham - The Gospel

Check IT OUT!

Peace, Love and Chicken Grease!
-josh

YourScreenNameSucks

I generally love to write, and it is something that has become a passion of mine. My friend had a 'blogger' thing so I was like I will see how it works. Generally I write in my journals! Oh soo good! Those are usually prayers. I think I have to write things down because my mind races so fast over so many different things that I forget what I am thinking about 98% of the time! But if I write it down then I can always go back and be like, "OH YEAH!" It's a good feeling to remember what you were thinking about!

One of those, "it's right at the end of my tongue!"

I am a "intern" it's cool, I love my job, it's fantastic, I have been where I am at now, for 2 years, and I wouldn't do anything else! I find it a great passion of mine to serve people, it's fantastic! I am a Christian, which in today's society, isn't necessarily something you want to announce to the world, and by me saying I am not afraid to say it doesn't make it any better!

I don't really have a social life, I live at a Camp in the midst of nothingness. It really makes it easy to escape the pressures of today world. I usually and a fast pace, extrovert, who can't sit down for more than 3 minutes! Living here has taught me alot about enjoying the small things in life!

Well I think this is going to be it for today!

Peace out internet!

-josh!